• Tristien M Winfree

I Got Some Shit To Say

Your house which is the mind. The mind which controls all frequencies of your existence. Your existence which takes up space of how you’re showing up into the world today. You politely tell Anxious & Anxiety to fuck off because they showed up uninvited. The breath is taken! And… Action! You’re in it! Little squares appear on the screen, various check ins are going on, and boom the floor is yours. You’re instructing; maybe you're killing it, maybe you’re not! Was that someone's mom going off in the background? It sure was but mind your business. Hmmm are my students getting this material? Was this a hard topic to talk about in this virtual setting? And before you know the time has slipped away. And CUT! The class is over. We’ll shoot this scene again tomorrow. Same time, same place! Taking it back to Act 1 Scene 1. The lap top closes. You get out of your finest threads to put on your best durag on and take a trip to the fridge and consume whatever is in sight, or drink Moscato out of the bottle at 11am and wash it down with OJ. You know the thing they say “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.” And climb into bed to take nap. Well at least that’s only the half it. When I learned that I was going to be teaching classes virtually this fall. I had reservations just like everyone else. How will I connect to my students through a laptop? Is that acting exercise going to work over the screen? What about my students that don’t have a safe environment? Will that affect their participation? Oh god! how do I keep the classrooms engage this year? And before I knew it my worries were as long a CVS receipt. I think it’s safe to say I showed up in many different versions of myself and now that I’m in a space of self-reflection. I am ok with that. During this marathon I woke up somedays excited to teach, somedays I wanted to cut my camera off, somedays I stared out unto the lake front and cried that this was the new normal, somedays I woke up thankful that at least I’m doing what I love. Is it the most idea situation? No, but this is where you are in this moment. So how do you show up for yourself T? How do you manage to keep showing all 32 teeth in your mouth? The short answer is this…Taking it one day at a time really worked out for me. I take what I do very seriously because I know the intention on why Im doing this. It’s the impact I have in my student's life and I know it’s working when my spirit gets warm an my mind and body teleports to another space because now I’m just existing with them in the present moment. It feels less like a pandemic, and more a like a kinship for the love of the craft. My overall experience during this cycle has not been that bad, and that’s because I was never alone in any of this shit. I was surrounded by love. My tribe of people (You know who you are) gave me the room to laugh, cry, vent, and acknowledge that what I was feeling was true, and vice versa. I give thanks to that.


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